hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize