but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
