and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Is it because I queefed?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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