you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
