He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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