you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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