By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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