I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You ate ashes out of my bong
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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