I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
