Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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