I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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