His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
