So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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