I wish life had little blips of pornography
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
