like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
should my penis look like a turkey
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
