This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
