I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So squirting runs in the family.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
