I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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