We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bring me that man meat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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