Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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