Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
