so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
