god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
