bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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