I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
