you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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