So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
