come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
