im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
