I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
