I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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