Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
