There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
