So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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