I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
