I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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