I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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