I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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