He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
