my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
