If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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