Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
