Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
