were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
