I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
