Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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