She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
