I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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