He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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