She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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