Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
