idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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