YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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