my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
