Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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