I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
