so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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