Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
