I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
