Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
