Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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