i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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