time to smoke my breakfast
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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