McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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