She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
