you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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