She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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