My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
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