I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
