nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize