I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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