I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
