I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
