why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
