Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
