her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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