and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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