Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
