Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
