dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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