I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
